Friday, March 20, 2009

More about Knowing

Here is an even better tells you much more and gives you a better feel for the movie.


If you could know the future, would you want to? I’ve been exploring this idea of certainty, knowing and doubt and uncertainty for quite some time now. In fact I wrote a blog entry about the movie Doubt and the dangers of certainty back on January 6. (you can find it in the archives)

I’ve been unemployed for about 8 months now and have been searching for my right and perfect church for even longer. It sure would be nice to know where I’m going to end up; this idea of hanging out in the void of unknowing can be a bit unsettling sometimes.

I have already started packing. I figure I’m sending a message to the universe that I’m READY already!! My cats see all the boxes around, and look at me rather strangely. I tell them that we are moving, but I just don’t know where or when we are moving. I’m sure they’d like some certainty too.

So, if you could know what lie ahead in your future, would you be happy to know? That is one of the messages that the new movie, “Knowing” addresses. MIT Professor Astrophysicist John Koestler (Nicolas Cage) uncovers the meaning of a series of numbers that had been locked inside a time capsule for 50 years. The encoded message predicts with uncanny accuracy the dates, location, and death tolls of every major disaster for the past 50 years. The list shows three events yet to happen and John feels a strong connection to this list, because his wife died in one of the listed events. I’m sure he is thinking that if he had this knowledge earlier he could have stopped his wife’s death.

I could relate to this movie in so many ways. My husband died of cancer over 2 years ago, and the doctors told us that the cancer had probably been growing inside of him for 5 years before it was finally discovered. Had we discovered it earlier, he might have had a chance to beat it. I think there was something in me that knew. I made him get health insurance when he didn’t have any, and I told him time and again to get a physical and a colonoscopy. Something in me knew, but I didn’t really know. I’ve beaten myself up time and again because I didn’t force him to get a colonoscopy or a physical, but would it have really made a difference? I don’t have the answer to that question. Some part of me believes that it was simply his time to go, and there is nothing I could have done to change that fact.

I don’t want to tell you too much about this movie, except that you need to go see it. It was AWESOME! I left saying, “wow, wow, wow” over and over again, and, “that was awesome”.
As for knowing the future…I think I’m going to have to make peace with living in the Void of Unknowing. I don’t believe in determinism, which this movie explores, but neither do I believe that life is random. What I do believe is that there is a Higher Power and a Higher Purpose, and my part in it is to live the best possible life I can in every moment and to listen for the whisper of guidance.

Go see this movie…here’s a link to the trailer in case you haven’t seen it…but it doesn’t tell you enough.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

K.D. Lang 'Hallelujah'

I heard this song and it so moved me I wanted to share it. It is very haunting. Put your sound up as loud as is gets into your bones somehow. Wow!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

More Ocean

Ocean of Eternity

I just got back from a trip to Florida where I got to put my feet in the ocean. It had been a long time since I’d done that, and it felt truly wonderful!

I was raised in California and I have a strong affinity for the ocean. What is it about the ocean that is so mesmerizing? Not everyone feels the pull of the sea. My late husband Bill didn’t feel it. We went to Hawaii once, and I could have sat on the beach starring out at the ocean for hours, but after a few minutes he was bored and ready to leave. Maybe it’s because I’m a Scorpio, a water sign. He was an Aquarius, which sounds like it should be a water sign, but isn’t—it’s an air sign. Mountains were what spoke to his soul.

I think I find the ocean so enthralling, because it feels so much like eternity. One looks out and sees nothing but water everywhere; there is no end in sight. Eternity is our symbol of God, so to me the ocean feels like a way to connect with the energy of God. God is the ocean and I am the wave—the expression of God. We need each other. Without the wave, the ocean is an inert body of water with no expression; without the power of the ocean there can be no wave.

Maybe it’s because I’m a Four on the Enneagram, and Fours are so comfortable with longing. There is a sense of longing with the ocean: longing for connection, longing to immerse oneself with something larger, longing for expansion, and a longing to connect with eternity.

Perhaps it is because our bodies are mostly water and something within us is drawn to such a vast source of water. Well, regardless of the reason, I am so grateful for the opportunity to spend some time again with the ocean. Once again, I feel like I have touched a small bit of eternity. Thank you God!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Letting Go

What is it about letting go that feels so difficult? It doesn’t matter what it is we are letting go of, it just doesn’t seem to come easy.

I know that sometime soon I will have that new job (I affirm, I affirm) and will be moving, and so I am in the process of packing and cleaning out. I’m calling it spring cleaning, because I keep hoping spring is on the way. Many people get that urge to clean out when winter winds down and the warmer weather appears, even if only briefly. Maybe it’s because we’ve been hibernating all winter and we feel the need to get the energy up and moving. While Spring isn’t quite here yet, I’m not waiting! Besides, I’m hoping that cleaning out and packing up will send a clear message to the universe that I’m ready!

I have moved 7 times in 10 years, but it doesn’t seem to get any easier. Every time I move I take the time to pare down and clean out, and yet I still seem to have SO MUCH STUFF!! I know that I can live without lots of this stuff. Twice in that 10 year period I lived with most of my stuff in storage, and amazingly I did just fine without most of it. Of course, I wasn’t working during those times, so I didn’t really need all of my books and ministry files.

I released about five boxes of books last year, but I still have four bookcases full. Books are the hardest for me to let go. I use them as reference books in ministry, and as ideas for talks and classes. Books feel like good friends and some of them bring back wonderful memories. Still, it’s tough when I have to pack them up and move them all.

I have no great metaphysical answer here. We all need to let go now and then. I know that. Some things are easier to let of than others. I’ve gotten much better at letting go of clothes, shoes and even household items. The Unity church here has yard sales every year and I release tons of “stuff”, every time; but books…even though I release and let go, the numbers just seem to keep expanding. I think they must mate or something. No matter how many books I get rid of, I still seem to keep accumulating more. Ah well, maybe I should get a Kindle. It sure would be easier to pack up and move.